people ask me things and then i start to spin.
i start to pace.
i keep watching my life as a movie. 
i keep wanting it to be that movie, that movie,
i want to watch me live it instead of living it. 
because if it’s written it’s out of my hands, and it ends when the credits roll and i think that’s what i’ve been trying to make true ever since i started watching movies and becoming the characters on the screen so i don’t have to be myself off screen. that sounds like a trope because it is, and if i can accept that instead of making it romantic like i always do then i know i’ve beaten it, but i haven’t beaten it, and boy do i wish the sun would set on me already, because it’s not comical, it’s not a movie, it’s me and

if i keep looking at her i won't come out of it, and that's a thing people say and don't mean -- well, i mean it and

i think that space we talked about is right where it belongs